How to Forgive

The first truth about forgiveness I want to speak on today is this: you must forgive yourself. This is not for everyone, but for some of us, it is absolutely necessary. We make mistakes, and we will continue to make them. Some still blame themselves for a divorce. Others carry guilt over the death of a loved one: “If only I had sent more money… if only I had given more attention…” Some parents cannot forgive themselves for the choices of their children: “If I had been more present, my daughter would not have gotten pregnant… if I had not gone out that night, this would not have happened.”How long will you hold yourself captive in the prison of your past?

Forgiveness begins with you. Many remain trapped not because God refuses mercy, but because they refuse to release themselves. Past mistakes, wrong choices, repeated failures—these weigh heavily on the heart. Yet Romans 8:1 speaks with authority: “There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus.” No guilt, no shame, no past sin has power to bind you in Christ. Holding on to it keeps you chained, looking backward, unable to move forward in His grace. Until you fully embrace God’s mercy within yourself, extending forgiveness to others is impossible.

It is time to let go. Stop torturing yourself with “what ifs” and “if onlys.” Stop replaying failures that God has already buried in His mercy. The blood of Jesus did not cleanse you halfway—it washed you completely. Let the past die. Step into freedom. Forgive yourself, and then watch how God enables you to forgive others with the same unshakable grace.

Forgiveness also requires releasing those around us. Many marriages and relationships are bound not by open conflict, but by the silent prisons of unspoken pain. Choosing peace over pride, restoration over revenge, and words that heal instead of harm allows love and mercy to flow freely. Jesus’ instruction in Matthew 18:22 — forgiving “seventy times seven” — reminds us that forgiveness must be continual, an ongoing act of love and mercy even when offenses repeat.

A profound way to cultivate forgiveness is to see others through the eyes of Jesus. On the cross, with all the pain, shame, and humiliation, He looked down at those who had been healed by Him, or their relatives, who now spat on Him, whipped Him with thirty-nine lashes, wove a crown of thorns, divided His clothes, and nailed Him to the cross, shouting, “Crucify Him!” And yet He said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Wow! What a powerful choice! Jesus did not say, “I forgive them”; He transferred the burden of forgiveness to God. He assumed that those committing evil did not fully understand their actions. Imagine if Jesus had believed they knew exactly what they were doing — forgiveness would have been impossible. How wonderful it would be if we could assume that those who hurt us do not fully understand their actions, rather than presuming malice. Often husbands and wives, or people wronged in other relationships, say, “He knows what he is doing” or “She knows what she is doing,” and forgiveness then becomes very difficult. 

When Satan desired to sift Peter like wheat, Jesus said, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has desired to have you, that he may sift you as wheat; but I have prayed for you, that your faith fail not. And when you are converted, strengthen your brethren” (Luke 22:31–32). Jesus did not condemn Peter or express disappointment at his potential failure. Instead, He prayed for his recovery and saw a future where Peter would be restored and strengthened to serve others. Jesus looked beyond present failures, focusing on potential and divine purpose. This challenges us to do the same — to see a better future in those who are failing, to release bitterness, and to p